There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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