i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
