mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
