I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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