looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
