dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
