UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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