Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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