I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
