in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
