Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
