after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
