Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
