hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They took my balls.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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