Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
