there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
