I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My ATM looks so different sober.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
