i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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