I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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