someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
