I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
