Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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