I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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