How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Barsexuality is the new black.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
