I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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