you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
