the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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