you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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