I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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