just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
