I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
