My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
