This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
