the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We have so much sex to catch up on
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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