did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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