Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
