cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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