she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
