Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
