So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
