they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
