i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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