best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My ass is underappreciated
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
