Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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