so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
