you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
