well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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