If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
