pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Randomize
