you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
