I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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